Dream Date

Can we all agree that each of us has a specific dream date that we want to go on?
Some of us want something a little more and some of us want a little less. I think for me it really depends.
I depends on the person. It depends on how long we have been together or if it is the first date. It also depends on if this is the date that could possibly bring a proposal about. It depends on if I get to plan it or if it is just that one date that I think would put the rest to shame. I have different scenarios in my head for all of these.
So just to put it out there for every one and when the time comes see if it changes for me.

So for my first date and lets pretend that it is a blind date:
 I would like it to be pretty easy flowing. I would like to go get a light meal then go and walk around to talk. We could go hiking, we could walk downtown, we could do some trails. Any thing to just get us out and away from distractions. I think that would be a nice dream blind date.

For my long term dream date:
I would love for it to be sort of like an anniversary date. So something that I would have minimal details to, probably in the fall. By this point in the relationship they should already know that fall is my favorite season. So we would go to a corn maze and then a haunted house and to end the night, this person would drive out and find a dark place so that we can lay beneath the stars and cuddle in blankets. To me that is all that needs to be done. Just time spent together with small gestures that you still know what they like and still just want to be with them. That would be the best date.

My dreamposal date:
This one surprisingly I would imagine to be in the summer. I want to go out to my favorite restaurant which I never really know what it is or which one. I am so picky that I get the same thing every time from each restaurant. So eating out is sort of day by day. Maybe I should change that part of this scenario….Ok so we go out for ice cream. I don’t care, we can go out for any; I love getting ice cream. All the options are marvelous.  While getting the ice cream I want to be dance mobbed. I want it to be a really crazy intense dance that leaves you feeling like you have to watch it again, like when you watch magic tricks. It just pulls you in. So just lots of movement to get lost in and at the end I want to turn around as they play a song that basically is like marry me, i can’t live with out you. I expect this person to do some dance trickery and get down on a knee and ask me to marry them. Then and this is the best part, go to our favorite spot which is somewhere out on a hill where out in the open. This spot has flower petals and candles already set up.

My own planned dream date:
Not sure if this means I just make the rules for the day or if I take said person on this date but either way, it works. I want to go paint balling. Then afterwards I want to race go carts. Then swimming. Very simple and active. I think this would be a blast.

The dream date that would kill any other chances:
 I can see us going to the planetarium and enjoying a day getting lost in the stars. I also wouldn’t be opposed to going to an aquarium and walking with the fish. Then getting a hotel room with the service for the night and spending the next day or two finding neat things about the town we are in and getting lost in a mini vacation.

My unrealistic date:
The same as every other girl. Riding horses bare backed on the beach and then camping in the sand. I feel like this is legit.

So there are those. I am not sure where to go with that. Maybe find a boy that I like to take me on dates.
Always,
Jac

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Dear Love

Love,
How did we make it here? There have been hurdles and valleys just to make it this far and we finally made it. We made it to each other. I’m glad that we never gave up and we continued to search for one another. It has been a long and some parts have been so grim.
There have been so many parts of my life where I have felt the need to just give up and drop the fairy tale love story. Time and time again I have tried to narrow down what I want and what I can even learn to accept. Each time has fallen through and given me doubt.
I have had doubt that I am not the right body shape and that I need to change it to make myself more appealing even though I feel comfortable as I am. I have had doubt that I am not beautiful enough and that if I just make the commitment to wake up every day and put on make up, I would be worthy of someone to look twice at me. I have doubted my personality and that if I kept to myself that I wouldn’t make any one want to run from me because I’m “weird”. I love being weird and different but not every one does. I have doubted that my work ethic draws anyone in because I want to do things my way and not by the flow of standard life.
I have doubted all self worthiness because I haven’t found any one to stand by my side and be completely infatuated by me and me alone. To admire who I am as a woman and to crave every little thing that I have to give. To yearn for me just to be in their presence.
That was until you came along.
You have given me a new outlook on love. You have shown me that the fairy tales that I have loved and believed in for years are real because we are right here living them every second. You have reminded me that kisses on the forehead are one of the most passionate, sought after desires because you put all of you and your love behind that kiss. You have shown me that I have dreams that can be pursued and achieved because you stood there beside me, always. Even during the late night when I come apart and let all my fears sweep in and consume me, you are there fighting them away with your strong words and gentle heart.
You protect me from every thing that comes my way, refusing to let even the most vulgar words harm me.  You give me guidance when I struggle to find the correct path to get where I want to be. You give me security just by being by my side.
Your love protects me every day. It is your greatest strength and from such an amazing gift it helps me give so much more of my self.
Maybe I didn’t know you at all from the beginning, maybe I’ve known you for years. None of that matters because I have you now and I know you now more than ever and I continue to discover new parts for me to love. There are new parts that I admire every day and there are parts that I am learning to love carefully.
Thank you for loving the parts that others felt were not worthy to love. Thank you for standing beside me in all circumstances. Thank you for being you.
I love you to the stars and moon. I love you forever. I love you beyond. I love you until after.

Always,
Jac

(In case any one is wondering this is just a letter to a future significant. No there is not one now and I can probably guess that there isn’t going to be one for a little while. I know you can’t tell but I am pretty picky. I still can hope though!)

Product Review- No Tie Shoelaces

So I had this really neat thing sent to me from Uniqhia. They are no tie shoelaces and believe it or not they are really handy. Here is my full thought of the product:
I actually really liked these no tie shoelaces. My mom has had several back surgeries and can not bend. I saw a need for shoes that she has but can’t wear anymore. These were extremely hard for me to put in the shoes though. It took me quiet a considerable amount of time trying to lace them through. I had an easier time removing them from the shoes to try on the other pairs. They worked for her though and that is what I like to see. She is so happy that she gets to wear her shoes again and it makes everything easier for her. I have seen that other people had trouble with them being too tight when they used the no tie shoelaces. I didn’t have this issue at all. I also alternated the sizes at a certain point. This gave her the room that she wanted and needed to be comfortable.
Go check them out!
No Tie Shoelaces

First Memories

So this is actually a funny thing to talk about because I am literally writing a book that is based around memories and the thought process of how they work.

Anyhow, my first memory is actually really bizarre to me. It was sort of a out of body experience. It is really weird to explain considering that I have only ever had this sensation twice in my entire life.

My first memory is this: I was asleep and when I was a little bitty I slept under my pillows. I have a sister who is 3 years younger than me. So I had to have been 4 or around 4 at the time that this happened. So while I was asleep my mom brought the baby in to help wake me for the day. My sister climbed on top of my pillow while I was sleeping and began bouncing on my head. Of course as a small child and even now, I have no upper body strength. You can imagine the panic that set in when I couldn’t get her off and was thrashing about.
You know those scenes in movies where something happens to the person and they zoom to a specific spot revealing that they left something there or have a realization. I had that zoomy moment as I cam up for air. Like everything zoomed into me in that one moment. I realized that I was alive and that I was a person who is capable of dying.
It was just the first moment of my life where everything lined up and I had thoughts and knew that the world is a real place. Who knows, this could be why I have such a fear of dying.

Memories play such a weird role in shaping who we are.
Always,
Jac

Motto for life

We all have Motto that we live by. They can change as we change or they can stay constant because they keep us going to where we hope to be. The definition of motto is a short sentence or phrase chosen as encapsulating the beliefs or ideals guiding an individual, family, or institution. 
I like all the different mottos because they can sort of tell you where the person is or has been within their life. I have chosen many different mottos in my path to where I am now and I have found one that has stuck with me for a few years now. 
That was then, this is now.
You know we have all struggled and fallen deeper than we ever wanted to admit. We have done things that make our skin crawl and we try to tuck away. There are always going to be parts of you that will keep churning up.
That was then, this is now.
I really like this because it’s like, you know, this is the time to shine and grow. I can’t stay back there trying to fix something because it will always be back then. It will never catch up and progress forward to the now.
That was then, this is now. 
We need to be present in the here and now. Remember what happened and why things need to change. 
My motto tells to me to be fearless and to inspire. To push for change and never let anything hold me back. To continually grow and experience everything that I possibly can.
That was then, this is now.
That used to be me but I have changed.

What is your motto for life and how has it encouraged you and your personality?
Always,
-Jac

Product Review- Bra strap Clips

I got these awesome little clips from W-Star. This is what I had to say about them:

I love this product so much. I would had never thought that I would use these as much as I have been but it is summer and the shoulders are showing. When I got these bra strap clips, they looked pretty explanatory to me and were fairly easy to put on and adjust. I love that there are 3 separate colors that can east be discreetly hidden. If you are like me having the extra is nice since I tend to misplace all my stuff, especially the small items like these clips. Where as I can get them on and adjust them with out any type of help, getting the off is the problem. I had to have my sister help me each time. I don’t know if it is because it gives me some lift every time I use them that the weight and pull is just too tight for me to slide it through but I absolutely can not get the clips off without help.

These clips are really great just make sure that you have some sort of help to get back out of them. Check them out:
Bra Strap Clips

I’m not trying to ignore you.

It’s been a little while since I have made a post about anything. This is not a habit that I want to get into. Curious what I have been doing since I made my last post? Of course you are. Well I take pictures for the local fair and spent a good chunk of my time doing that.
-Side story:-
I have had a sick obsession with going to the fair the past couple of years because I want to make the walking entertainer love me. He’s like the best. He walks around and juggles on and off stilts with or without fire. He does magic tricks and card tricks. He just brings so much joy to these little kids lives. You know that he is goofy; So I mean, what else could you look for in someone? I still haven’t spoken to him but I am sure that I want to marry him. His girlfriend probably won’t like me when she meets me. (Yes, I did some crazy detective work to find him on insta and saw he had a girl). It’s okay though, he talked to me once in a pass by instant. Things are going well for us.
I still am getting fun things to test and try out. I am pretty excited to get my hand on them. I also had a bit of a come apart. Some times things just hit me and it’s like the unexpected dagger to the stomach but all those around you knew it was coming. This was one of those times. I am still coming back up from my funk but I am doing way better than I was.
You know, you can have this dream and goal that you can push and cry and hurt and love and this whole skew of emotions over it. This dream in some cases isn’t going to happen no matter what you try to do. Some times you just have to walk away from it after all the blood, sweat and tears. I’m in the situation where it is time to walk away. I’m stuck and I am going no where. The impatiences and frustration that I am not where I want to be has hit an overwhelming point and I’m not sure how to underwhelm it.
I hope that there is a chance in the future that I will be able to come back to what I am doing and just let loose with it and every thing flow naturally for it. I just have to be realistic with my life right now. I don’t have time to dawdle with dreams.
I did some rearranging too. I moved the living room completely around and I think that it really looks wonderful. Now, my bedroom on the other hand is still a mess. Everything is still out in the middle of the floor. I just have so much stuff that finding a home for it all is hard. It’s probably going to go live in the attic with the rest of my stuff which is depressing. There is some stuff that I haven’t seen for years.
It’s alright though. I did decide that if I couldn’t use it then I didn’t need it. I am slowly going through all my stuff and giving it away to my moms church family. I’m debating on keeping jackets for the winter time so I can give them to the shelter for the homeless. It would help them out a little and I hate the thought of these men and women out on the streets freezing to death because they can’t get to the shelter that is open that day or one not being open. Now that this thought is in my mind, maybe I should go through my blankets too.
I did enjoy my fourth of the July “weekend”, as I hope y’all did. I had to do the fair photos on the 1 and 2. My best friend got home on the second from her work trip as well so we met up for a little bit to chat that night. ( I was really having a hard time living because my allergies had kicked in full force from all the dust at the fair.) Then Sunday we had a 4th of july red white and banging july 3rd party. My step dad had to work the 4th and wanted to get all of us together. So we had some drinks, a lot of jello shots, great food, and swam under the fireworks others were letting off. It was an awesome get together. Then the 4th, we went to my best friends house to spend time with her family for the 4th. There we had a little cook out and played with sparklers and snap pops with my little boy. That was also a good day.
This weekend thing through me off because I thought my kiddos dad had him this weekend. How would one get that mixed up? Well, one, I am just terrible keeping track of dates and I’ll tell you this story later on and two, the weekend was tilted off just enough that I still had the boy for what was a weekend. His dad had him fri and sat and I had him sun and mon. I am one of those people that have to write in the calendar when the days are.
***Second side story***
So I had my annual gyno appointment this week. I get there 15 mins early cause I only go once a year for my check up and they have to update the paperwork every time. I’m sure every one knows how that is. So I am power housing thorough this paper work. date- 6/7/16 signature date-6/7/16 signature date6/7/16 date- 6/7/16 date 6/7/16 last menstrual cycle 5/13/16 date 6/7/16 signature. I am just flying through thinking man this is easy. The nurse calls me back and we sit down and asks if I am still taking this birth control and I confirm. Then she asks why I haven’t had a period in two months and I am puzzled. No I had one last month and shes like well you wrote May. So it hits me that I have completely filled out this paper work wrong and everything is basically invalid. I apologized profusely and she thought it was amusing.
Any who that is what I have been up to. Failing at life a little at a time. Except for the pictures cause standing next to rides and taking pictures of little children is what I am apparently good at. I’m just a good creepo and that should be my new life profession.
I hope y’alls last couple weeks have been good.
Always,
Jac