Light

We use light to make the bad things go away.
What happens when the bad things show up and the light doesn’t make it go away?

Regrets

There are very few things that I regret in my life. I feel like everything that I have experienced has help shape me into the person I am today and she is someone that I am pretty proud of.
Now everyone has at least one thing that they regret and I do have a few.
To start off I have always been a standoff-ish kind of person, even when I was a little kid. I just always have trouble with the thought of what can go wrong and the anxiety that goes with it. You know-confrontation, disagreements, getting hurt. All the crazy things that you could expect from someone that over thinks everything.
As I got older and seeing everyone already have the existing friendships from sports and seeing the enjoyment that they got from teammates winning was something that I yearned for. My parents always asked me if I wanted to do sports but I refused time after time just thinking that I didn’t want to dedicate that time to it. As you get to know me as a person you will understand that sports would had been something to help me control my ocd. I could had funneled that energy and been spectacular at something.
I also which that I embraced life a little bit more. As I hit 25 my life started shifting and changing where I wanted to chase the things that scared me and face them. I wish that I had that urge in my life while I was younger. I feel like I could had done so much more in life that sitting at the side thinking about how scary roller coasters are and how huge crowds around me can be overwhelming.
I am slowly taking on things that scare me. I still get nervous to be in a huge crowd of people but I am willing to face it and work through the emotions that overcome me. Its hard sometimes and I have to do it over and over just to catch a breath but its a bigger step than I was willing to take 10 years ago.

I wonder how many of you out there try and jump in to the things that scare them or if I am just some crazy woman that should had done fear factor or something?

No one can hear you

My fingers tips run over the fragments of red paint still clinging to the railing. Chips flutter to the ground after my hands gently run over it. It feels like all the heat is being pulled from my hand, lingering where I had once traced, begging for me to come back.

Darkness surrounding everything except for one spot light across from me. Rain falls lightly in the distant street lamp like the first soft snow of the year. Silence is as vast as the darkness.

There is nothing here but you and me.

Your eyes like deep oceans being twisted by hurricanes; Turbulent and unforgiving. My soul aches to dive in and find the survivor somewhere within that has given up on hope. I scream out for you but there no response. 

Tempestuous heart jumps.

Take a deep breath and go under. I hold on to everything around me for safety, there is no one to rescue me when I get lost. Where are you?

Q&A Monday-Death

What scares you the most about dying?
I think what scares me the most about dying is having the uncertainty of what will actually happen. Will it be just like falling asleep and going to battle when the day comes like the bible says? Will we wake up as a new person or thing like Hinduism or Buddhism says? Will that just be it and nothing comes afterwards like some believe?
I know that I should be comfortable in my faith that death shouldn’t scare me one ounce but it does. It has honestly scared me for various reasons as I have grown. As a child when I was about 8 I had the revelation that I and everyone that I loved dearly was going to die. I don’t know where the thought came from but it was while I was laying in bed one night and I cried about it forever. Then as a teenager I realized that in my faith some off my family would not be with me and I would not get to be with them. As an adult, I think my fear is leaving behind all that I haven’t accomplished and want to do with my life.
I don’t want to give it up and I don’t want my life taken away so what is a happy medium? I think this is one thing that I will never be able to get over until the time comes just have to go. Which I am sure that by the time it happens I will be ready but until then, I am here overthinking it.